Judy Blume couldn’t make this up

by

15846725_8bf3cea30e_b

Are you there God?  Its me, Jacqueline.

We need to talk.  I thought we had an understanding?  I suck it up and train, you bless me with your support and give me that ‘Umph’ when I need it.  What happened today?  I specifically asked you for the one-finger-push on my run this morning since my legs felt like they were being sucked into the bed by Freddy Krueger, but the push never came!  And it was a cruel joke to have that man running behind me when you knew I had beans for dinner last night!  I tried to let it go soft & quietly, but it only came out a big SQUAWK (and then a bunch of put-puts)!  You could have at least given him the push.   And I question whether you are a woman because NO woman would inflict the cruelty of a woman’s monthly cleansing on her run! Thank goodness I was wearing black pants!  Dare I ask you God?  WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!  And to top it all off because you weren’t laughing hard enough, you decided that it’d be fun to cleanse the earth as well with a big fat rain shower…on my run!!!

I’m not happy with you today. Please don’t try to talk to me because I don’t want to hear it.  I know you’re busy/stressed with wars, the oil crisis, world hunger, etc, but please get your kicks from some place else next time.  I am officially giving you the silent treatment as of right NOW.

Jacqueline

photo: Barnaby

Filed Under: Fit Living
  • http://www.MizFitOnline.com MizFit

    Funny AND shoutout to the great J-Blume?

    Love.

    MizFit

  • http://www.womensdietandfitness.com/WDF Angie

    Oh my goodness Jacqueline!! You crack me UP girl! So sorry to hear about your ‘bad run’ ! LOL

  • http://www.fitnessformommies.net Rachel

    Hey, at least you didn’t have to POOP in the bushes!

  • Kellie

    Picturing you sticking out tongue and giving a raspberry towards the sky….LOL

  • http://weightdownmoneyup.wordpress.com/ BK

    and followed by put puts.. I’M SO DONE hahahaaa

    Hilarious J.. I needed that pick me up!

  • http://www.iowaavenue.com LisaN

    LOL………………Getting older does have at least one benefit………………:)

  • http://livinghealthyintherealworld.blogspot.com Sagan

    You’re adorable. Hopefully you’ll have better luck on your next run!

  • http://livingdreams.typepad.com/bits_of_me Juicy Jenn

    Jacqs darlin, I haven’t laughed that hard in a while! And honey you sure have me laughin now. In fact, I laughed so hard that I had to share this entire post with my readers! You honey, are hysterical! I loved it. I loved…it! So babycakes…here’s a high five to you for a fabulously girlie post and for makin me bust a gut! I am officially adding your pleasant site to my Juicy Blog list. You’re THAT good!

    Whew…I am still laughin!
    Juicy Jenn

  • Jacqueline Carly

    so happy my stank ass made you all laugh ;-)

  • http://napwarden.blogspot.com Nap Warden

    OK, you win…you had a worse run than me this morning!

  • http://bagladysblather.blogspot.com The Bag Lady

    I just KNEW there was a reason God made me sedentary…..the couch doesn’t give a crap….hehehehehehehehehehe

  • http://sjsfalter.blogspot.com SJSFalter

    LOL this is so freaking hilarious and a blatant reminder why I hate running.

  • http://fabfergie.typepad.com Tina

    Love it! You make me crack up but with such a great relationship. Girlie, God is listening and I love how you give it up to HIm!! Keep going-hey we Are human, even though we like to be superwoman! You’re so real and I love it!

  • http://goodbyetoallfat.blogspot.com goodbyetoallfat

    “And I question whether you are a woman because NO woman would inflict the cruelty of a woman’s monthly cleansing on her run!”

    Women can be so unkind to other women. Case solved, QED, God is female !!

  • Annie

    Oh my God! I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard!

  • Colleen

    You are wonderful!!!!! And you just gave my whole day the one-finger push that it needed! Thank you for that! :) Love it, love it, love it, I am going to laugh all day!

  • Jacqueline Carly

    @nap warden – DO tell! what’s your crappy running story?

    @baglady – ahhh, love the couch too…am headed there NOW!

    @SJSFalter – I love it AND I hate it :-)

    @Tina – He/she called me after this post but I didnt answer ‘cuz i’m still giving him the silent treatment…he/she left a message : he loves me ;-)

    @goodbyetoallfat – you’re probably right. only a woman would do this to another woman!

    @Annie – “almost…” – good thing, wet pants at work? not very professional ;-)

    @colleen – awww, you just made my day ;-)

  • http://theweightinggame.ivillage.com WeightingGame

    this is too funny. That oor guy behind you. Whatever, you were in nature and just being natural.
    Also, have you seen the title of Chelsea Handler’s new book? It’s called, “Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Cheslea.” Love it!

  • http://www.crankyfitness.com Crabby McSlacker

    Oh dear–I thought I had a crappy workout today, but that was too funny. (I took the top off my water bottle then managed to kick the entire thing over, drenching most of the stretching area, in full view of all the folks on the cardio machines. Oh, and there seemed to be no paper towels anywhere so I had to involve 2 gym employees in my attempt to clean up. But yours was definitely worse.)

  • http://onelthelesbianrewrite.blogspot.com/ Mallory

    you had a bad run so I could have a kick ass work out… Sorry!

    Maybe its just me, but whenever something really awesome happens to me, I always think, something really shitty is happening to someone else. That whole ying to the yang thang.

    Anyhow, thanks for the laugh!

  • Pingback: Fitarella

  • http://timeforachangeinme.blogspot.com/ IzzyBeth

    THAT WAS HYSTERICAL. Not that I’m laughing at your misery. I hope you’re over it by now. :-)

  • Pingback: Fitarella

  • http://www.fitness.myskinproblems.net Daniel

    I read similar article also named la, and it was completely different. Personally, I agree with you more, because this article makes a little bit more sense for me