Fitarella Makes A Big Mistake Inviting Me Here
This guest post is by the one-n-only Nitmos. This man needs no introduction. Seriously. You just need to get your butts over to his blog and experience him on a daily basis. I’m not ashamned to say I’ve had quite a few pee-pee accidents because of him.
So Mrs. Nitmos and I were sitting around polishing my race medals as we normally do on Wednesday and Thursday, she with the rag and polish and me with the lemonade and words of encouragement, when Fitarella asked if I’d help trash her place guest post.
My second question (first being ‘how did you get in here?’) was what topic should I cover?
Left to my own devices, I decided to unveil my own over-conceived-but-never-released-Chinese-Democracy-album concept post titled “The Seven Stages of Pre-Marathon Bowel Evacuation.” Alas, it’s still not ready yet. Lucky you as it’s getting pretty graphic.
Instead, since this forum is not exclusively populated with running acolytes and believers in the almighty Church of Garmin, I thought I’d take the self indulgent chance to enumerate my list of Benefits of Being A Runner.
1) Paunch Control
‘Tis a scary sight to see the genetic and gender common flabby gut start to spill over the belt before reaching the age of 30. It was small – and easily hidden by an XL t-shirt – but it was there. And growing like the black mold I’m ignoring in my attic. As long as you eat right – and responsibly – it’s pretty hard to gain weight with a steady diet of fruits, veggies, sour balls, rum, and miles upon miles of open road.
2) Rage Control
All of this unfounded rage towards llamas and dolphins….where should it go? You try punching a llama in the throat at the local petting zoo and see how many people think YOU’RE the jerk. You’d be surprised. But after 5…7…15 miles of running, suddenly the urge to fight the good fight is dulled or completely diminished. Endorphins have been released. You are temporarily content and happy. Llamas, dolphins, circa 1986 Baby on Board signs, all somehow seem so much more tolerable. Sweaty, exhausted…but the world seems at peace.
3) Energy Boost
Believe it or not, after the initial post-run exhaustion fades, you find that you have much more energy to burn. It simply takes more to tire you out in every day life type activities. At least, that’s what I’ve found. And I don’t believe that has anything to do with my screaming seven year old Vicodin addiction. Over time, you start to feel the benefits of running – or exercise in general – in your “regular” life. There is energy to burn. Exercising becomes a channel to burn the excess – not the needed – energy. Since I started running, I’ve now noticed that when I tell Mrs. Nitmos I can’t mow the lawn or do the dishes because “I’m tired”, it’s simply that I don’t want to not because I’m actually tired.
4) Ego Boost
Anyone familiar with my blog knows how I like to throw around my fragile and completely unwarranted ego. Frankly, this all comes from the running. It’s puffed me up like I had an air hose inserted in my…ear. My fingers are so fat with ego I can barely type my posts anymore. Running is a confidence booster. The improvements in your conditioning are tangible and measurable. Your general body shape, over time, changes. Whereas once you couldn’t hold a run around the neighborhood, now you can sustain a nice pace up the pharmacy to refill your Vicodin “prescription”. Stick with it. Keep a regular running schedule. Push yourself just a bit more over time. Eat right. Watch how your ego grows inversely proportional to your running pace.
Well, I think that should’ve about confused most of Fitarella’s regulars.(smugly dusting hands off) The main lessons I hope to leave everyone with is:
- Give running a shot. If you are already a runner, keep on going for it!
- Eat right. Run well. Control weight. Stop punching zoo animals.
- Experience the joys of post run endorphin release.
- Email me if you have Vicodin.
Thanks Fitarella!
No, thank YOU Nitmos!
Tags: running
Aug 26, 2008
Whoa.
HappyOVERLOAD (& sans vicodin to boot).
My two fave people together at last.
Will it be enought to tempt this MizFit to race?
Methinks maybe?
Aug 26, 2008
Attention: I have 2 leftover Vicodin and may be willing to trade if I can watch you wrestle a llama.
I am totally bookmarking your site from now on. Fit, you’re right – V. funny!!
Aug 26, 2008
@ Les – I know, I have become very familiar with big girl diapers since Nitmos came into my life.
@MF – Awwwww schucks!
Aug 26, 2008
Okay, you got me…I’ll be blowing the dust off the treadmill this afternoon (yes the treadmill, the neighborhood isn’t ready to see this fat ass jiggling down the street)!
No llamas around here, but maybe the husband will enjoy some peace…..
Aug 26, 2008
Those llamas can be trouble.
You almost have me convinced on this running thing. And I’m not easily persuaded.
Aug 26, 2008
I’m not running, but I am laughing.
Aug 26, 2008
Hee hee… i didn’t pee pee, but highly entertaining prose.
LOL
Aug 26, 2008
“All of this unfounded rage towards llamas and dolphins….where should it go? You try punching a llama in the throat at the local petting zoo and see how many people think YOU’RE the jerk.” Um – MADE MY WHOLE DARN DAY. Am off to read his site now.
Aug 27, 2008
ZOMG!! It’s Nitmos!! It’s Nitmos!! Right here at Fitarella!
I have no idea why you would hate llamas so much, now alpacas on the other hand should absolutely be punched in the throat.
Aug 27, 2008
@Vanilla – I know, how RAD is that?! Yep, I’m in with the cool kids
Aug 27, 2008
I always knew Vanilla was pro-llama, anti-alpaca. Figures.
Aug 27, 2008
(Golly it’s Nitmos!!! I totally read everything he writes.)
I’m guessing, Nit, that you were once bitten by a llama. If not, I am somewhat bemused by your antipathy. Dolphins I can sort of see, they look way too smug.
Chickens, now….they really make me mad.
And I ate all my Vicodin, but I’m having additional (hand) surgery next month, so now doubt I will get a bunch. It didn’t work too well last time, they had to bump me up to Percocet. (Percoset?)
But hey, Nitmos, Vicodin totally constipates. Doesn’t that interfere with droppin’ the “e?”
Aug 29, 2008
great post as always!
Aug 29, 2008
Great post! (Not trying to pump up your ego, but it is.)
I agree with you about dolphins. Uppity snickering little beasts. I put a video clip of Flipper up on Cranky Fitness to show people how smirky these guys always look. And can they run? I think not.