Name It Claim It for Diet Delusions

Guest post by Kiki of Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat? If you haven’t done so already, you must check these ladies out! This super fun duo ( Kiki & Greta ) are hilarious!

There’s a self help saying that rhymes like this, “name it, claim it.” The theory being how can you get better if you don’t first admit you’re sick? Well I have some long held diet delusions and I’m naming them. I’d like you to take a lighter and burn them okay? Maybe then they can stop slapping me down.

Name It Diet Delusion - I can lose 5 pounds a week.
Now since 1969 this has happened ONCE and I had mono but still. It’s like how I believe I will have that dance with Danny Zucko at the gym sock hop. I can’t let it go. (And young tweens of today flash forward to 2028 and replace Zucko with Zac Efron, also in the gym. What I’m saying here is save your pity you’ll need it for your own future self.)
Claim It
Losing 1 to 2 pounds a week is a healthy pace for permanent weight loss. Losing 1 to 2 pounds a week is a healthy pace for permanent weight loss. Losing 1 to 2 pounds a week… yadayada

Name It Diet Delusion – I will get down to my goal weight by {insert occasion}. When I arrive at {insert occasion} I’ll incite desire in some and rage in others. And I will also instantaneously know how to ballroom dance at this new weight.
Claim It
Healthy eating is about lifestyle change and a lifestyle commitment not careening toward {insert occasion.} And no matter what you weigh ballroom dancing is likely not going to spontaneously break out. ALSO you shouldn’t want others to be enraged by your thinness. It’s about health not jealousy. However it is perfectly fine if everybody wants you. (Ask Billy Squire.)

Name It Diet Delusion - I will start my diet tomorrow/Monday/January 1st.
Claim It
The choice for a healthy lifestyle starts now, not Monday. Each minute is a choice. Each minute is an opportunity. And each minute those friggin’ cookies sit in the kitchen all naked and exposed they gain strength. Must destroy cookies.

Name It Diet Delusion – I can’t help it. I have no willpower.
Claim It – I AM SHE-RA, PRINCESS OF POWER, MISTRESS OF THE UNIVERSE. MY WILLPOWER CAN RENT THE EARTH ASSUNDER! Sorry. I got a little carried away.

Name It Diet Delusion – I’ve already cheated so I’ll just eat everything since the day’s already ruined.
Claim It- It’s that choice thing again. A mistep shouldn’t lead to totally chucking my progress. A mistep shouldn’t lead to chucking my progress. A mistep yadayadayada

Name It Diet Delusion – I love chocolate. I can’t live without it so much a lot. (My love of chocolate can’t be bound by grammar or sense a lot.)
Claim It – Fat Free Sugar Free Jello with whipped cream is just as good. This is a lie. Chocolate so much a lot is better. God help me if loving it is wrong I don’t want to be right.

Name it Diet Delusion – I’ll start exercising after I lose a few pounds.
Claim It- Exercise is about health and strength. It is not about weight. No matter what size I am exercise needs to be a part of my daily life. Besides if Patrick Swayze and I are really going to get that lift right I’ve got to work on my core.

So everyone – Name Your Diet Delusion and Claim the Solution. There are people out there right? Did I delusion that up too?

And don’t tell the guards but I’ve now lost 13 pounds since January. Keep it to yourself or they’ll make me put it back on. The guards like to boss She-Ra around. Friggin’ Guards.