The Truth Shall Set Me Free
My eating disordered past was filled with shame & secrets. I hid and I lied so that others wouldn’t see the “real” me. It was a recipe for disaster that eventually would always send me spiraling into more self-hatred and sadness. So during my recovery, one of the promises I made to myself was that I would never hide who I was from people. Like me, love me or hate me – I can only be me.
I had mentioned in previous posts that after the New York City marathon (last November) I went into a 5 month slump. I didn’t revert back to my old ED ways, but I basically just stopped working out and allowed myself free range of the refrigerator. My body needed a break and I was more than happy to oblige. It wasn’t like I went into to crazy binge mode, on the contrary, I just gave myself permission to enjoy eating whatever I wanted and allowed my daily exercise to take a backseat to sleeping in. And that was all great. Sometimes we NEED breaks, we NEED time to recover, and we NEED to cut ourselves some slack. But what I didn’t NEED and neglected to mention to all of you, was that a 30lb. weight gain came with it and I have been struggling with it ever since. So I am coming clean with you because I feel like I have been hiding behind “Fitarella” and you deserve my being honest with you as you all have been with me. I have been back in the gym for the past few months making slow & steady progress, but I’m tired of keeping that secret. It weighs too much.
Today I visited with my nutrition and training coach that I’ve been working on and off with since 2005. She isn’t just your average nutritionist & trainer, she is a Physique Transformation Engineer. I lovingly refer to her as “the Guru” because the woman knows her stuff, she gets down to the nitty-gritty, and knows the science to back it up. We came up with a plan to get me back on track. I have goals for 2010 that I will only be able to achieve with a lot of hard work, dedication, and your support, so I will be chronicling my daily journey here. In the meantime, I will be attending the Olympia in Vegas in exactly 30 days, so my immediate focus is on that. I don’t expect any huge changes in 30 days, but I’d like to just go there FEELING GOOD in my own skin.
So my friends, that’s my story. Fitarella is struggling too. And I hope I have your support.
Tags: body image, eating disorders, goals
Aug 25, 2009
Thanks for sharing with us. You know, we all have ups & downs — even us experts. By opening up you’re showing you are real and have the same issues that many of us women do. So you’re keeping in line with the promise you made to yourself long ago, that you would always show the real you…..and you are. And you have been.
Nobody is perfect, and we all have moments or times when we just need a break. Or feel we need a break from Life (I’ve been there!).
You surely have my support and the support of everyone else. You are a superhero (LOVE the t-shirt!!) and thanks for opening up. You’re real, and I love it!
Dinneen – Eat Without Guilt´s last blog ..Inner Beauty: How Do You Define It?
Aug 25, 2009
Thank you, thank you, thank you. What impresses me is sincerity, and honesty, and you have shown both! As Dinneen says, “by opening up you show you are real” and THAT Ms. Fitarella is what it really is about…being REAL. I haven’t been following you very long, but I have already been inspired by you (and those protein pancakes!). You have my support, I hope to have yours! I look forward to may more inspiring stories!
You go Superhero!!
(I’m gonna HAVE to get me one of those shirts.)
Aug 26, 2009
The real Fitarella is well worth blogging about
Merry´s last blog ..I survived a 5k!
Aug 26, 2009
[...] Fitarella wrote an interesting post today onThe Truth Shall Set Me Free | Fitarella ~ Food*<b>Fitness</b>*FamilyHere’s a quick excerpt [...]
Aug 26, 2009
I LOVE how Merry phrased that….that you are well worth blogging about.
You know I support you
you KNOW I think that you have so much to offer and so much to share simply by virtue of being YOU.
Aug 26, 2009
It is a real weight off our shoulders when we can talk freely about who we are, about when we’re struggling as well when things are going right for us. Feeling like we have to hide something only magnifies the struggle.
Getting to the point where we can freely share our personal struggles can be extra hard when we’re struggling with something we’re supposed to be expert in.
I so admire your speaking out.
Let me know if I can help…now or ever!
Aug 26, 2009
Forgot to share that I’ve been there with the ups and downs, too, Fitarella. That’s why I know how hard it is to share it.
Aug 26, 2009
Man I love you! You are so real and so refreshing!! I am as excited as you are and so honored to go on this journey with you! This will be a learning experience for both us and I know both of our hearts and minds are open for the challenge. Let’s get you to where you want to be *as long as* health and beauty are never compromised! They are non-negotiable…but you know how I roll.;) Love you, girl! WOOP WOOP!:o)
Jodi Jones´s last blog ..Menu Planning: Whining and Dining
Aug 26, 2009
Thank you so much for sharing that. As someone who has also had an eating disorder, I completely understand what you are going through. I hid the real me for years. Now that I am recovered and living the “Fit Life”, I still have a hard time talking about that part of my life. I feel very ashamed of what I did to my body & my health. I knew better than to do that to myself. Now that I am finally sharing that part of my life with people, I am starting to feel free of the shame. Everyone has struggles and that was just one that I had to go through to become the “REAL” me.
I wish you ALL the best with your new journey. I’m glad to hear that you are working with a nutritionist & trainer. That’s awesome. It’s always good to have a support system in place to help you reach your goals. I am so excited for you! Thank you for being so honest and not holding back. You are a REAL superhero!(love the shirt!)
Aug 26, 2009
@Dinneen:Dinneen, you rock. Thank you for your beautiful words. I know you know how I feel, and I really appreciate your support. xo
@Mikela:I’m here for you too Mikela! We can get through anything together
@Merry:Merry, That is just the sweetest thing anyone could have said to me. THANK YOU FOR THAT!
@Miz:Yes, I know you support me and I am so thankful for our friendship, and I adore you Carla!
@Marsha:Marsha, you are just the sweetest and I can’t wait to finally meet in person! There’s a lot I want to catch up with you about
Thank you for the support!
@Jodi:Thank you for you neverending support & friendship. I am truly thankful to have you in my life and I am so excited for all the great things to come!
@Fitness 2 go: Thank you so much for sharing that as well. Sometimes we feel so alone, and its not until we share that we find out others have struggled too. I really appreciate your support
Can’t wait to see the superhero shirt on you!!!
Aug 26, 2009
You are a real person and have real struggles. No one expects anything different. Your honesty is refreshing and makes the rest of us feel like we are not alone on this journey.
Thank you so much for sharing and I am here to support you as you have been for me and so many others. This is life just live it, enjoy it and when it needs tweaking tweek it!
XO
Shannon Fab Fattie´s last blog ..Beautiful and AVERAGE sized!?
Aug 26, 2009
Wow, that was such a nice post. Not nice that you’ve been in a slump but it was nice because it shows how real you are.
I can completely relate with what you’ve been going through and while I maintained (more or less) my weight, my hard-earned muscle is slowly fading. But, I decided I am at a place where I am happy just being fit from the inside out. I did the hours at the gym and the super-clean eating route and now I am finding a happy-medium
I am truly looking forward to your future posts!!! {{Hugs}}
Michelle @ A Shade of Gray´s last blog ..Words That Stick
Aug 26, 2009
Everyone has their struggles, I know I do. I love your honesty and find it very inspiring. Can’t wait to read what comes next!
Diane, Fit to the Finish´s last blog ..How Did I Fit It All In?
Aug 27, 2009
That was such a real and refreshing post. I am very excited to watch your journey into 2010 and hope we can get together before then w/ our amazing Guru for smoe hard training! You are such an amazing woman!
Aug 27, 2009
Thank you so much for all of your incredible support!
Fitarella´s last blog ..Quick Announcement
Aug 31, 2009
Girl, I feel ya…I’ve been struggling myself. I allow “life” distract me from really living sometimes. I gotta find the balance that will help me to do the healthy side of living.
xo,
Bex
BeckStein´s last blog ..Back on the Blog
Aug 31, 2009
Girl, I feel ya…I’ve been struggling myself. I allow “life” to distract me from really living sometimes. I gotta find the balance that will help me to do the healthy side of living.
xo,
Bex
BeckStein´s last blog ..Back on the Blog
Sep 11, 2009
Thanks for sharing, even us guru’s are human and go through slumps from time to time. After my figure competition last year I lost a lot of my motivation to keep up my workouts because I was so tired from it all. But we get right up and realize I workout out not only because it’s good for me but because it’s part of who I am!
women’s workout´s last blog ..Remember Just Smile, Smile Smile!
Sep 13, 2009
I think every ex-big girl turned fitness fanatic is going to have her ups and downs! (I know I do!) But congrats on realizing when you reached the point when “enough is enough,” for doing something positive about it, and for being fearless enough to share it with the world…I have no doubt you’ll be successful.
Shed It and Get It´s last blog ..Holler Back, Girls!