There are a lot of different motives for exercise. Some people exercise to stay heart healthy, some to lose weight, some to gain weight and some to see their veins pop out of their arms when they scratch their forehead. I fall in between the heart healthy ones and the ones trying to make their shoulders look like a giant pair of misplaced biceps. I like to lift heavy things and I like to play racquetball as much as possible against younger kids who destroy me by ten or more points. Either way, it’s a good workout.
While everyone has different motives for exercise, they also have different ways to prepare themselves for exercise. While I prefer stretching and fifteen minutes of cardio to get the blood pumping, that doesn’t work for everyone. Smoothie shakes, fresh fruit, granola bars soon escalate to power energy bars, caffeine loaded drinks and finally powdered mixes with long lists of warnings and enough caffeine in them to power a compact car for a couple days. And not one of those electric ones, but one of the older Cavaliers or something similar. Maybe a Volkswagen Thing. The point is, and this may be my unofficial not scientifically supported opinion, that shit is dangerous. For example, this is the warning on a pouch of [brand redacted so I don't get sued for slander]; “DO NOT EXCEED RECOMMENDED DOSAGE. EVER.”
Mind the “ever” part. That’s quite important. One serving contains the equivalent of 1 1/2 cups of coffee. Sure, that’s not too much. But we sip coffee, not chug it right before a workout. Not to mention all the other fun stuff listed as ingredients on the bag. None of which have any value as far as vitamins or actual nutrition are concerned. Instead, it’s full of guanosine, Creatine and a bunch of other stuff that sounds like a biologist got together with a chemist and started making up words. I just don’t trust it. But a lot of people do, they see all the exciting stuff on the front of the bag, all those big words that must mean the product is awesome. Right? Frankly, it reads like a used car advertisement sounds.
For instance (words moved around to again avoid slander):
“Pre-workout Psychoactive matrix ignites white-hot intensity and explosive strength*”
The asterisk is to indicate reference to a small phrase on the back of the package which states that the statement has not been evaluated by the FDA. But hey, your pre-workout matrix will totally be psychoactive. What exactly does that mean? It means that all the caffeine in there will chemically mess with your brain so that you feel like you can lift anything. Because caffeine is the most widely used psychoactive drug in the world. Behind that? Opiates, cocaine, anti-depressants and of course LSD. This package claims to have a whole matrix of psychoactive. Is that the kind of workout some people are looking for? The psychoactive one? Sounds abnormally violent.
Of course it’s all marketing. Hence the comparison to the used car advertisement. Not to come down too hard on the general audience for these products, but most of them don’t know what half of the words on the packaging mean. Hell, even I had to look some of the phrases on these packets up to be sure. Vaso-Muscular? Just a fancy way of saying blood vessels in muscles. Yes, last I checked they were there. However, if you add caffeine to them, they restrict. What’s that? There is also nitric oxide in the mix?
Well, that opens up blood vessels. So let me see if I’ve got this math right. Caffeine + nitric oxide = right back where you started but with a giant caffeine buzz.
Perhaps that’s what some people are looking for, that mega jolt to get them super pumped – to the maxx – before they go into the gym. I can see that. I commute for an hour to and from work, I’m worn out by the time I get to the gym. I could use a boost; usually it comes from a protein bar an hour before and a can of diet Mountain Dew. At least I don’t have to worry about liver damage and the other multitude of side effects from the pre-workout supplements. Putting any amount of chemicals in your body – including caffeine – puts extra stress on your liver. I drink my 80 ounces of water a day, but if you are taking those things, you better chug down no less than 100 ounces.
So then you are suddenly carrying some extra water weight, which can be mistaken for muscle gains on a scale. To be sure I wasn’t off base with this, I asked one of the many personal trainers that I know who informed me that creatine (a major ingredient in most pre-workout supplements) creates nothing but water weight. She also added that fat burner pills simply dehydrate you and are nothing more than a scam. If you saw her and how she’s sculpted her body through natural remedies such as eating healthy and exercise, you’d believe her too.
Anyone reading this blog probably already knows all this, mostly I just wanted to crack jokes about the outlandish claims on all these pre-workout supplements. So here’s another one that I found amusing:
“The most advanced intra-workout muscle growth amplifier in the world.”
Intra-workout means during the workout. Muscle growth amplifier means that while you are lifting weights, already amplifying your muscles, this stuff will further amplify that growth – with water weight. Oh, it doesn’t say that does it? Imagine if apples or bananas were advertised this way? It would be hard to keep them on the shelves and they could jack the prices up ten-fold.
“Apples – scientifically proven to enhance your intra-workout muscle amplification to the maxx with mega Amino acids! To the Maxx!”
Curtis Silver is a core contributor to Wired’s GeekDad blog, a founder of the daddy blog Everyotherthursday.com, a contributor at Shamable.com and trolling the internets on his blog. Follow on Twitter @cebsilver for regular cynicism and “them jokes.”
Guest Post by Tracey from I’m Not Superhuman
Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a fitness junkie or a superstar runner. I have 80-year-old knees (or so says my doctor) and I’m about as nimble as a sumo wrestler. I downed an entire chocolate bar today—and not dark chocolate or the kind that helps little rain forest animals.
So I’m not the most perfect healthy living example out there. For the past seven years, I’ve been dealing with knee pain that’s made running impossible, walking painful, and shopping nonexistent. (And, no, clicking around Amazon.com doesn’t count.)
Up until a year ago, I knew my place. A friend wanted to meet up? Not if it involved walking a few blocks to the restaurant. I needed a new pair of shoes? No way am I brutalizing my knees at the store. Yup, I pretty much knew that I was a good-for-nothin’ gimp.
And then something happened.
After a train-so-hard-your-muscles-burn physical therapy session, I went to the grocery store. (Don’t roll your eyes—that’s a big deal for these achy breaky knees.) Not only did I go in, but I shopped every aisle. And my knees didn’t crunch themselves into red, hot discs of pain. I realized that maybe I wasn’t giving myself enough credit. Maybe I’m stronger than I think. Maybe my injuries are healing after all.
Fact is, we don’t give our bodies due praise. I say mine’s too broken. Someone else says theirs is too big. Another person says theirs is too weak. And so on. I’ve learned that my body is in pain, but it can do more than sit around on the couch all day. (Not that I don’t do that every once in a while. Ahem, today.)
Our bodies do some pretty amazing things, and we need to recognize that. Here are three ways to notice your body’s potential:
1. Push Yourself.
You don’t know what your body can do until you try, right? Maybe some athletes spring out of the womb with a deep understanding of their talents, but most people find out just how far they can run, swim, hike, or pedal by doing it. I might not be pushing myself to learn whether I’ll one day scale Mt. Everest (baby steps, folks) but I can try to learn just how far I can walk without my knees flaring up. And if that means I have to canvas the entire mall doing it, then so be it. There are no limits to my rehab dedication.
2. Ask Friends.
Some time in January my mother told me that she saw a ton of improvement in my knees over the past year. I had been visiting my parents for the holidays and both noticed how much longer I could stand, how much further I could walk, and how much less inflamed my knees got. We’re the best at noticing our flaws, so why wouldn’t we assume our weight isn’t budging or our muscles aren’t getting more toned? But sometimes we lie. For real, honest-to-goodness answers, ask someone you trust. (And, no, no one else thinks your nose is big.)
3. Trust Strangers.
I’ll never forget the woman with auburn hair and black warm-up pants who passed me in the gym and said, “That looks hard! You go girl.” That’s right, another human who wasn’t injured thought an exercise I was doing was hard. Chances are, there are strangers out there who think you run far (I do!) even if you haven’t hit your goal. There are people who think you’re skinny even if you pledge to lose another five pounds. And there are strangers who think your dinner last night was healthy—even if you splurged.
Of course, the hard part is actually giving yourself praise. So, I’ll go first: These two crotchety knees may cause me a lot of grief, but they got me through the grocery store. And they’re awesome for that.
Your turn.
photo cred: dideo
Are you a sugar pimp like me?
I’ll bet you’ll say no. You don’t feed your kids candy, soda or cookies. You know too much sugar is bad. Right? You’re just not a freak about it. Am I right?
Well, listen up. I use to be just like you. A good mama — buying organic, eating healthy, giving my kids Annie’s and Cascadian Farms stuff, all that. Until last week. That’s when I pulled my four year old off sugar and learned the biggest surprise of my life.
Okay, two biggest surprises.
1. Sugar is like crack. Detox is hell.
2. I am a sugar pimp. Who knew?
Here’s a typical eating day at my house for my 4 year old. For the sake of exemplification, I’m going to tell you the sugars for 1 “serving.” See how you compare to me. (We don’t do dairy – but you can be assured that milk also has sugar in it!) P.S. We don’t do veggies well either.
Breakfast:
• GoLean Crunch 13 g or Gorilla Munch 8 g with Pacific organic almond milk 6 g
• Scrambled eggs 0 g
• (weekends: Ian’s French Toast Sticks 5 g plus Aunt Jemima Lite Syrup 25 g)
Lunch:
• Oroweat multi-grain sandwich thins 2 g with Smucker’s Low Sugar Strawberry Preserves 5 g
• ½ apple 7 g
• FruitaBu Fruit rolls 13 g
• Apple juice 28 g
Snack:
• Cascadian Farm Organic chocolate chip granola bar 12 g Or
• Craisins 26 g and cashews 0 g
Dinner:
• Chicken hot dogs 0 g
• Apple juice 28 g
• Cantaloupe / grapes 10g
• Bread 2 g and Olivio spread 0 g
Holy Sugar, Batman! This is between 100 g to 150 g of sugar a day.
I’m not going to lie. It was torture removing sugar from my 4 year olds’ diet. You will hate your life. But it’s only for a few days. (Have you watched those television shows? Expect some serious mood swings.)
Now, you may be wondering why I put myself through this craziness. Well, health reasons like . . . food allergies, concentration, fatigue, headaches, fat storage, hyperactivity, . . . the list goes on and on. Plain and simple, less sugar = a healthier child. For us, I’m hoping it will help my baby girl with seizures, migraines and constant fatigue.
Still not convinced? Email me and I’ll give you a homework assignment of reading to convince you.
Then, when you decide to believe me, here’s what you do . . .
1. Take sugar out of your child’s diet. No sugar. (white sugar, honey, maltodextrin, malted barley, brown sugar, sucrose, fructose and high fructose corn syrup.)
2. Read all labels. Grams of sugar? Ingredients? Look carefully, most prepackaged foods have sugar.
3. White flour and corn act like sugar in the body. Don’t eat.
4. Take up cooking. (Sorry.)
5. Use sweeteners like agave, Stevia and Xylitol.
Where to start? Here’s some suggestions approved by my four year old.
• brown rice spaghetti noodles with Olivio spread
• egg white shake (vanilla)
• eggs – scrambled and hard boiled w/ salt
• So Delicious yogurt (vanilla)
• Think Thin bars (green packaging – white choc chip is a favorite)
• cashews (salted & toasted)
• rice crackers and hummus
• chicken hot dogs
• Ezekiel tortilla pizza: no sugar red sauce + rice cheese
• oatmeal w/ Stevia
• brown rice tortilla or brown rice cake with Sun butter
You will notice a HUGE energy increase in your child – it’s been an incredible difference in my little one. Before the sugar detox, she’d get so tired in the morning she’d say, “Mommy, my legs say they have to lay down now” or “I feel like I need to lay down.” That is not normal four year old behavior!
The good news is that I haven’t heard her say those things lately. She’s not lying down in the middle of the grocery store. (Dirty, I know!) She’s participating in her gymnastics class again instead of asking to lie down. She has energy back in her body. I’m beyond thrilled. I will never give her that amount of sugar again. Ever. (Me, either for that matter!)
Although I’m not a nutritionist, I’m happy to support you if you have any questions. Melissa@imaginationsoup.net May the sugarless force be with you. You can totally do this!
Melissa is an expert parenting and education writer with a M.A. in Education from the University of Denver. As a classroom teacher for many years, she lived the educator’s life. Now, as a mom, she knows and experiences education from a parent’s perspective. In May 2009, she created Imagination Soup — a blog about fun ways to learn at home in math, science, reading and writing. Melissa’s writing portfolio is online at http://melissatayloronline.com .
