xo
Fitty

Changing a habit takes time. Strive to have patience in your journey. When thinking of overeating or indulging in a “not-so-great” choice, ask yourself why are you eating it in the first place?! Is it a particular incident that triggered the binge? Is it because you’re bored? Is it because you’re in a situation where you can’t vocalize your feelings? Is it your treat of the day? Is it because you’re starving? All of those reasons affect why you might be overeating. Once you recognize the reason, it will be easier to manage. The goal (and this is the tricky part) is to constantly ask yourself why- never forgetting to be gentle with yourself and to see it as an opportunity to figure out what your body needs (physically and under the surface).

Here are some simple strategies to help prevent overeating:

• Curb your appetite – drink a glass of water before your first bite, enjoy a bowl of broth-based soup, an apple, some raw veggies or a salad before your main dish. It will help limit your appetite and give you a sense of satiety sooner.

• Keep your blood sugar at a constant level all day long by not going any longer than 3-4 hours without having something to eat.

• Eat a snack comprised of both a carb and protein 1 to 2 hours before your meal. For example: cottage cheese with apple, peanut butter with celery, tuna on flavored rice cakes, or yogurt with granola.

• Check in with your emotions, are you really hungry for food? – talk to a friend or keep a journal. Practice the exercise: “10 things I am grateful for.” On a piece of paper write down 10 things you feel grateful for. It can be something as simple as being thankful for a good night’s sleep all the way to being grateful for having your friends and/or family at your side. The important part of the exercise is to focus on the positive things in your life. You’ll see- you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

• Exercise! It’s a great way to elevate your mood and get your mind off food. It also relieves stress and improves sleeping patterns.

• Pamper yourself i.e. polish your nails, get a massage, take a hot bath, or read a great book.

• Eliminate temptation. If the food items are not in your house, you can’t eat them.

• Savor your meal. Every meal should take you at least 15 to 20 minutes to eat. Put your fork/spoon down after every bite and chew your food at least 10 times per bite. It takes our bodies a little bit of time before it registers that it is full. Give it the time it needs.

• Drink water throughout the day. If you are craving flavor, try water with a piece of lemon or lime, or be creative and add a piece of fruit like apple, orange, or watermelon (I love cucumber). Revamp your water by adding seltzer, tea, or a splash of your favorite juice.

• Be mindful (not mindless) of what you put in your mouth. Indulging every now and again is fine, but instead of being hard on yourself for eating a piece of chocolate – enjoy it! Become aware of the taste, texture, and aroma. Slow down, listen to your body, and enjoy the process of mindful eating.

• Shift your eating schedule. Eat most of your calories in the earlier part of your day. Breakfast and lunch should comprise the bulk of your calories, and dinner should be the smallest meal eaten preferably before 8pm.

Portion Control Tips:

As the saying goes: “All things in moderation.” Rather than adopting an extreme diet plan, focus on long-lasting lifestyle changes. Research studies have consistently shown that “popular” diet plans are not effective in reducing weight over the long term. Here are a few portion control tips to help you in the process. They are simple, sometimes challenging to accomplish, but very effective. Take it one day at a time.

1. In some cases, half is so much better than whole- instead of getting rid of all the foods you like, just decrease the portion size by half and supplement your meal with veggies, salad or a light soup. For instance, eat half a sandwich for lunch with carrots and some nuts and save the rest for later. Presto! You have an instant dinner.

2. Visually, aim for your plate to look like this: A quarter of the plate should take up the protein of your choice (chicken, tuna, tofu, or beans), another quarter should be starch (brown rice, quinoa, or sweet potato), and the leftover half should be veggies and/or a fresh salad.

3. Slim down that dinner! When dining out, share your entrée with someone or ask your server to bring a “to-go container” the moment he brings your meal. If you package half of your food at the beginning of your meal chances are you won’t open that container and eat the rest of it until later. Other options are to order an appetizer as you main entrée or ask from the children’s menu. (Tip: out of sight, out of mind; so, ask the waiter to avoid bringing the bread basket or other tempting concoctions)

4. If you like snacking like I do, measure out small portions of your snack to avoid carrying the whole bag of goodies. Take control of your portions without having to deprive yourself from the foods you love. Divvy up foods into single serving snack bags to have on hand. Some healthy ideas are: edamame, nuts with dried fruit, or honey wheat pretzels with a cheese stick, cut up carrots or red pepper slices (with hummus!).

5. How much is a single serving of your favorite snack? Evaluate your servings! Check the box and learn what a single portion of your favorite snacks look like by measuring them out the next time you eat them. It’s a great visual exercise and you’d be surprised at how often what we think is a serving is actually 2 or 3.

6. Say NO to Super-Size-Me and Say NO to Buffets! It is incredibly challenging to eat sensible portions while at an “all-you-can-eat” buffet or at fast food places flashing triple size fries. The next time you’re in this situation, try to think about how bloated, full, and uncomfortable you’ll feel after such a huge meal and ask yourself: Is it worth it?  Does my body really need all that food? What’s my pay off?

7. Cook Once, Eat Twice – think ahead and break your leftovers down into individually-sized containers so that when you reach into the fridge, you’ll be retrieving just enough for one helping. This will help you limit your food intake with no additional effort.

8. Wait before reaching for seconds. If you give yourself some time to wait out the urge, you will often find that you don’t need that second helping. Take a deep breath and remember: it takes about 15 to 20 minutes to feel satiated, so try to wait it out.

9. Keep serving sizes in mind when dining out or making your own meals: 3 oz. of meat is the size of a deck of cards; 1 oz. of cheese is the size of a 4-dice put together; 1 cup of grains or pasta looks like a fist.

Remember, this is not about restricting yourself and living by “rules”.
Its about being mindful and trying to listen for what your body really wants & needs.

Do you have any tips that work for you? Share them with us in the comments!
Questions? As away!

There was a system. I had a system. I couldn’t just be one of those crazy bulimics that snuck down to the kitchen in the middle of the night to binge and purge. That was too messy and way too gross for me. Besides, what if there was nothing in the refrigerator that I wanted to binge on? Talk about annoying. So, I had a system. It was an expensive system, but that’s a whole other topic. When I think about all the money I spent on food that I only wasted, it makes me sick (no pun intended). The system was quite elaborate and depended on whether I was alone, what was in the refrigerator, did I have plans later that day, how much money did I have to spend, how much time would I have for the actual purge? All questions that needed to be answered beforehand so that I got it right. The only thing that could never be planned was how my body would react and whether it would actually stick to the plan.

It was a Saturday, so I had the whole day to do whatever I pleased. Days like that excited me because it meant that my binge would be pressure free. I didn’t have to be anywhere or talk to anyone, it would just be me and my misery. I was living alone which made things quite easy. Images of all the different food danced in my head as I counted my money to make sure I had enough. By this time, I had already learned (the hard way) which foods worked for me and which did not. By “worked” I don’t mean taste or flavor, sure it helps to like what you’re binging on, but most important was the texture and how easy it was to bring back up. Today there are internet sites that can help you with all this, but back then it was all trial and error. One wrong food down that won’t come back up is a bulimic’s worst nightmare, and I have lots of those stories. And today would be one of them. When I think about how I rationalized things back then, it seems crazy, but yet I can honestly remember feeling like it all made sense to me. Since I had the entire day to myself, I could go out on a limb and get some of those “off limit” foods because I had all day to try and bring them back up! Eventually they would have to come out, right?

First thing was an order to the Chinese food place. I made sure to order some food with broccoli in there just in case. If it doesn’t come back up, at least the broccoli is healthy! Delivery was going to take about 30 minutes so I got dressed and headed out to the corner store & diner. I got milk, water, doughnuts, cake, egg & bacon sandwich, home fries, pretzels & butter. These places carried no-no food that I previously had a lot of trouble with bringing back up, BUT today was going to be different for sure!

I made it back to my apartment in time for the Chinese food delivery guy. The order cost about $30, all my groceries $25, equaled a total binge worth $55. And this was only one binge. At my worst I got up to about 6-7 a day and had to make multiple trips to the supermarket.

Next up, was the ambiance. I needed everything set up and sprawled out so I could pick & eat freely, phone was turned off, pager was off (remember beepers?!), blinds pulled down, and TV on with a good program to keep me company.

And then I ate. And ate. And ate. I ate until my stomach looked like I was 7 months pregnant and it hurt to breathe from the pressure. This was the worst part. The euphoria of eating was wearing off and now I had to get it all out of me before any damage was done. I was not one of those “lucky” bulimics, I couldn’t just make myself throw up instantly (that would come months later), I had to work at it and it was painful. “Oh G-d, why did I do this again? Please oh please let it all come up this time!” And to the bathroom I would go to try to complete the ritual.

Depending on what was coming up, sometimes it splattered, so I had gotten in to the habit of taking all my clothes off and pulling back my hair. My nails should have been cut beforehand, but they hadn’t been. I had to be careful not to scratch the back of my throat (did I mention I was a singer?)

And so it began, first with a few fingers, and then soon an entire hand pushed back into my mouth and down my throat. Think it’s impossible to fit the entire hand? It’s possible. I pounded on my stomach with my left hand and I tried to shove my right hand deeper down my throat to make everything come up. This was a big binge so it would take a while. I knew everything that had gone inside of me, so I had to make sure it was all accounted for on its way out, nothing could be left behind.

45 minutes and 2 breaks later I still wasn’t done. Where were the doughnuts? What happened to the pretzels? I knew this would happen. Bread products were the worst because they turned into a thick pasty gluey mess in the stomach and were the hardest to bring back up. If taken in with the right amount of liquid, it could be ok, but this time my proportions were all wrong and now I was stuck.

The pounding on my stomach got harder and I tried to manipulate my gag reflex with precision. I stopped to give myself pep talks “you can do this”, “keep going” “you have to get it all out, you sick fuck!”

But I couldn’t. It wouldn’t all come up. I sat on the floor crying and trying to make a deal with G-D. “Please get me through this and bring it all up and I’ll never do it again. This is the last time, I promise.” And I truly did feel that way at the time, I wanted so bad for it to be the last time. My throat was sore, my face was swollen and my knuckles were cut from hitting the back of my teeth. The party was over and it was time to retreat.

Walking back into my living room I couldn’t even look at the mess I had left behind. Everything got dumped into the trash just like it never happened. And if I pretended hard enough, it didn’t. Next came a hot shower, always good for some imagined cleansing of the soul.

Binges this large made me sleepy, so I crawled into bed and clicked on the TV. A rerun of 90210, perfect. And before I Donna could lose her virginity, I was in la-la-land, sleeping my binge off.

By the time I awoke it was evening. My throat was incredibly sore. I had 4 messages on my machine and a bunch of pages. Funny how the sicker I got, the more invitations to parties I received. To me it was obviously complete validation that I was not really sick, but rather doing what was necessary.

What to do tonight? I thought. Meet the crew at the party going on or stay home and relax? I pretended to think about it, but I had already made up my mind.

There were still half eaten doughnuts, cake & a carton of Chinese food in the trash. I couldn’t possibly let that all go to waste.

So, I’ve decided to write my NaNoWriMo here, to share with you, if you choose to read. I thought about keeping a journal, doing a separate blog, or not sharing it at all…but recently, someone suggested I should do something uncomfortable, and be open to putting myself out there even if it makes me feel sick. So here it is! In the spirit of NaNoWriMo, I will be writing here for the 30 days, however, it will not be a fiction novel. They will be stories, true stories from my life when I was bulimic. Some of the stories might be graphic, and you may not want to read, and that’s ok, but this is what I am choosing to write about. These are days that I have never shared with anyone and after 9 years of recovery, feel the need to get them out, because they will forever be a part of who I am.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Writing starts November 1st.

Bloggerellas & rellos, please forgive my lazy boring-ass posts the last few days.  The quarter at school is wrapping up (NEU had to be different, instead of semesters they have quarters and instead of 2 there are 3, plus i’m doing summer.  Well not doing summer.  But summer is a nice time to do it, especially outside and all…on top of a car…on a park bench…err, never mind.) and I am playing catch-up on all the stuff I shoulda done weeks ago to make sure I maintain my high honor roll status. yes, i’m a geek.  Then add work stuff, marathon training & family stuff  and  I am a prime candidate for el-straight-jacketo-para-el-looneybino.  So…what to do when one is feeling like her head is being squished in a vice, her eyes are bleeding, and brain juice is leaking from her ears?  Yep, that right.  MANGIA!  Feeling especially in need of a warm, heart-hugging treat to soothe my bum soul, I made one of my faves…rice pudding! But, afraid that I might bathe in the entire pot, I made a “healthy” version so I don’t wake up with rice in my crevices.  So with you dear friends, I share this recipe because I care about your hygiene:

2 cups leftover cooked rice (i use brown, but white is fine)
1-2 cups coconut water, rice milk or water
1 cinnamon stick
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup shredded coconut
2 tablespoons raw honey (or maple syrup)

(cooking time usually 25min, this serves 6..or in my case 1)

-all ingredients in a pot and bring to boil
-reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally continue cooking until raisins are plump, coconut is soft & most liquid evaporated
-Taste and add more sweetener of necessary (which for me is usually YES)

I like to eat mine warm with fresh homemade whipped cream on top
while wearing my 6 inch clear hooker heels.

I started dieting in the 3rd grade. In the 4th grade I went to Weight Watchers.  In the 5th grade I started binge eating. I can tell you every diet I’ve been on (or not on) at every age.  If I were to write a book about my life, the chapters would be titled by diet – “The Hamburger Meat Diet”, “The Eggo Waffle & Yogurt Diet”, “The Water & Hot Dog Diet”, “The Prune Diet”…you get the idea.  I really was on every single one of those and hundreds more. Pretty crazy huh? Eventually I ended up with a severe eating disorder, Bulimarexia, that took over my life.  It wasn’t until yeeeaaaarrrs later that I was able to understand that all of my dieting & disordered eating was a physical manifestation of my underlying emotions. So often, we spend so much time trying to figure out how to fix our outside (lose weight, get lean, eat less, get boobs, fix nose, dye hair) that the issues on the inside never get addressed leading to a cycle of never feeling “good enough.”

Now, I’m not saying that everyone that wants to lose weight has some deep seeded emotional problems, but I do believe that there is a direct correlation between emotions and weight loss or gain. Think about it.  When you gain weight it’s not because you just woke up that way or your body can’t lose weight.  There’s usually more to it than that. What led you to where you are? stress? insecurity? unhappiness? depression?  I’m sure some of you are probably thinking, ‘No, I just don’t have the time to exercise, I’m too busy to cook healthy meals, I work too much…’ And that’s probably all true, but they are still not the root of the cause.  For whatever reason, you are not putting you & your health first and those are the underlying emotions I’m talking about.  What’s stopping you from reaching your goals? How do you feel when you think about what it will take to achieve them? Anxious, excited, scared? What is your relationship with food? comfortable? uncomfortable?  Do you associate food with reward, punishment, love, or friend?  How do you feel about yourself? Do you negative self-talk? or do you love yourself unconditionally?  The answers to these questions are key to your success.

Here are some suggestions to help you on your journey:

-Keep a food/emotion diary – Write down everything you eat & drink, the time you are eating it and the emotions you are experiencing at the time. Look for connections between the events in your day and your cravings. This can help identify triggers that push you over the edge and make you want to eat mindlessly.

-Find someone who can be your partner on your journey and that you can call on for support. This can be someone in your family, a friend, a colleague from work, etc. Try to be open, honest and direct about your support needs.

-Keep your body active – Do whatever you can do, just don’t stop moving! Staying active will get you motivated and help keep you from getting stuck inside your head.

-Write down your Goals and break them down. If you have a 1 year goal, break that down to quarterly goals, then break those down to monthly goals, then break those down to weekly goals and so on. Focus on the smaller goals and pretty soon they will all add up to your original big goal.

-Love yourself – Say “I love you” to yourself everyday! (I am not kidding!) There is only one unique beautiful you. This is your life and only YOU can take control and make it what you want. Go to the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say “I love you. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. You deserve love, happiness and all of the wonderful things life has to offer.” Repeat every single day!

I wish you success on your journey!